So it turns out I can only post poetry in large dumps at the beginning/end of the year. And honestly, that's okay! Here are some words that I feel proudest of writing and/or editing further from the past year. A warning in advance that these are...even more emotional than last year's. I'm holding off on posting all of it because a lot of my poetry actually turned into songs that I'm workshopping further in the new year?!?
"some inaugural thoughts: heart, hope, healing.”
i wholeheartedly believe
that a better tomorrow
will finally happen.
i hold onto hope
even through immense pain,
even knowing this is only the beginning.
i am healing.
"the problem with forever"
The problem with forever is that you never know when it starts. The problem with myself is that I don’t know where to start. The problem with this whole thing is that it still hasn’t really started Even though it has started. and I’m so scared that time will pass me by That the families that could be will pass me by
That the life I could live will be left unlived like literally everything I have ever done. Well, let’s try this. No. Okay, let’s do this.
"tuesday/wednesday (or: memories of that week in march.)"
no one goes to multiple asian massage parlors
with a gun
by accident.
no one says their excuse
for killing someone
is that they needed to get out their sexual frustrations,
and that’s enough to “not be a hate crime.”
no one gets away with this unless they’re white.
i have rarely received direct hate
but that doesn’t make hate any less hateful
i have somehow survived all these pwis,
but that doesn’t make living any less hard.
i rarely pay attention to my beauty,
but that doesn’t mean people don’t sexualize me anyway.
i want to believe in good.
i want to believe that i can do something.
but right now i am just so tired.
----
“city crossings"
this used to be my city.
but lately, i never see
anyone
that made this city
my city.
i’m still near school
and feel like i never graduated.
my four locations are my apartment,
the starbucks down the street,
and my jobs half an hour away
in opposite directions.
time is a construct
and we’re so far from each other
yet so close virtually every night.
but when people see me,
i forget that i ever had a problem
with closeness
to begin with.
why am i scared of people
i love?
i think i’m just scared
of love in general.
"do i like music or am i just incapable of being alone with my thoughts without it"
for the longest time, i didn’t write poetry
because i wrote songs.
it felt better than poetry.
if a word seemed off,
maybe it could still sound pretty.
i poured all my emotion into notes,
i tuned the guitar to sound just right,
i repeated the same stories to myself.
but now i don’t have any songs.
there’s no rhyme or reason,
i just can’t think of anything new.
words don’t come easily
music doesn’t hit the way it did
melodies to new releases are unclear.
i fill my world with noise
that I don’t actually hear.
“to be a light”
to be a light
is to shine so bright
that even those in the darkness
can follow.
to be a light
is to illuminate the paths
another is too scared
to follow.
to be a light
is to enlighten those
who want to know how
to follow.
to be a light
is to radiate energy
and be someone that someone
wants to follow.
to be a light
is to brighten one’s day
make them cry of happiness
and want to follow you.
to be in their corner.
to let your flame burn and give warmth.
to allow yourself to feel the light, too.
even if you flicker in and out
every now and then.
i hope this light
and the fellowship
remains forever.
"this is my forever"
(a follow up to “the problem with forever”)
This is my forever,
I know that it has started.
This is our forever,
It has really started.
This is our forever,
We love and we live
And forget that time passes by
And I’m finally living,
Making the families that could be
Living the life I never led,
Something I’ve never done.
Well, let’s try this.
No.
Okay, let’s do this.